So, I’ve been doing some occasional thinking. Occasional because I deliberately keep myself very busy by comsuming large amount of entertainment materiel. The thinking has been on the subject of my major decisions during the recent past. Particularly I have focussed on 3 decisions that have had far reaching consequences.
- Choosing between Student Life & Christian Union
- Choosing to join the “ministry”
- Choosing to “drop out” with a useless degree
I have reached a thoroughly unsurprising conclusion, but before we get to that, lets do some explanations of each event for those new readers who may have missed the previous episodes.
I became a Christian at the end of my first year of uni (i.e as a freshman, in 2001), and in the next year I was involved in both of the 2 main christian groups. Christian Union, with its roots in the English Church and Student Life part of Campus Crusade for Christ an organisation formed in the United States of America.
In the middle of the year I attended (and was involved in the music for) both Mid-year Conferences. 2 straight weeks of intense christian conference “goodness”. It was suggested that being involved in both groups was going to “stretch me too thin”. So I made a choice between the 2, and stuck with Student Life.
The next year (my third at uni, or Junior year, or 2003), I was beginning to fall short in my chosen degree of Computer Science and was generally disenchanted with the idea of being a programmer or similar. Partly this was due to the fact that I had started the degree with the aim of running a pr0n site – hardly a career for a good evangelical. So I looked around at my options, and realised (and was advised) that my “spiritual gifts” would be best utilised in full-time Christian Ministry.
In my final year (2004), I had chosen a ministry career path but was still studying a degree that I couldn’t graduate after completely failing (or being kicked out of) some core units. My options were to drop out completely – which would stop me from my chosen ministry path (with Student Life), change to a useless degree to allow me to graduate as quick as possible and start “Gods Work”, or start over in a degree that could provide a backup career. I of course took the easy way out and graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Computing by doing some creative subject selection with units like Ancient Greek (the language) and Early Christian Literature and Thought to make up the credit points I needed to graduate.
Now, if all had gone well it would have been a classic story of Gods guiding hand in my life…. But it didn’t, quite the opposite in fact, and so now we can see Behind the Music at what my motivations might have been, or at least what the main corrupting motivation was. To greatly illuminate that lets look a little deeper at the events surrounding the first decision.
Event #1: Student Life MYC, we will cover last…
Event #2: Christian Union MYC. This was an interesting event, it was the second such event I had attended in as many weeks. I was also involved in the music ministry for the second time in 2 weeks (and the second time ever) but this time I was in charge as well as performing. I spectacularly failed, and many assumed it was due to overwork/stress from doing 2 conferences, which led to many suggesting I make a choice between the 2 groups. It wasn’t because of that alone, it was primarily because on the first day I was shot down by a girl I had been admiring for some time. Which hit me quite hard, seeing that I had never even asked a girl out in High School. This meant that my attentions were unexpectedly able to roam elsewhere.
Event #3: The first weeks of semester 2. In which our villain is invited to a Birthday Party to his surprise and confusion. Such confusion is explored in light of….
Event #1: Student Life MYC. Many things had happened at this event, such as playing in a “band” in “public” for the first time, or having some indepth discussions on many topics (like masturbation for instance). The one thing that stood out though, and throws the light of a thousand suns on the issues at hand was the Bear. This bear was the official mascot for the event, and was the property (and responsibility) of one of the young women. Of course this led some of the young men to issue forth a series of pranks on said bear. After the first night it was found at the top of the flagpole for instance. In the middle of the week, at a point where a permanent guard schedule had been developed for the bear to prevent further incidents, I spotted the bear sitting almost unattended. I snuck across the room, and at an opportune time, grabbed the bear….
And all hell broke loose.
Sirens, searchlights and such.
I ran.
I was followed.
I kept running.
I was still followed.
I came up with a foolproof plan.
I went to the only safe haven from my pursuer.
The mens toilet and shower block.
I hid in a shower stall.
I was still followed.
I was pushed up against the wall.
The bear was relinquished.
This is where we join the various dots, and answer the questions that have come up:
- The invite in event #3 was from the pursuer
- The pursuer was a female
- The relinquishment, and the moment shared, was seared in my mind but ignored intially
- Only after Event #2 was I free to examine other options
All of which combined to provide a major motivation to make the decision to focus on Student Life.
It was not due to hours of prayer and meditation.
It was not due to hours of logical reasoning of the various options.
Student Life was chosen because it allowed me to pursue the pursuer.
The other major decisions were similarly motivated. So were many minor decisions.
Almost every decision during those times with Student Life can be interpreted and understood only in the light of my pursuit of my archnemesis.
