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For a while I have without any kind of real personal goals, and I have actually been working on rectifying that in some way. According to the literature goals are supposed to be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-related.
The countdown on the side is the “time-related” aspect of these goals, with 404 days from now being the deadline.
The goals themselves are yet to be completely defined, and as such don’t meet the criterion of specificity. I personally think that they might not be achievable based on past experience of my personal life, but would be seen as extremely achievable when one looks at the statistics of the general population. In fact, a case could be made that having not yet achieved such goals actually makes me an extreme outlier on the statistical curves – which is not an unusual outcome for me. Anyway, over the next 404 days I’ll be updating and refining these goals.
The goals (as they stand):
- Job:
- Not just any kind of paid employment, but a defined and progressable career path that fits with my skills and abilities. In fact I wouldn’t even need to be employed if I was doing required training or study.
- Girl:
- Some kind of romantic entanglement, even if it ends badly before the deadline. The main point of this goal is to demonstrate that I am in someway desirable to the opposite sex, an idea that has so far been unproven (or has in fact been disproven).
It is very difficult to achieve these goals when one is heavily depressed and not emotionally well. I suggest that you might be setting the bar too high too soon, and recommend smaller steps before putting it here.
Perhaps (and you assess this as you see fit) it would be better to set as your goal to have some form of employment of any type (a steady income will improve a number of things in your life). I say this as I know someone else who is struggling emotionally, and i think it is more reasonable to go step by step, rather thana ‘boom or bust’ mentality.
Similarly, Perhaps making the goal of having some good friendships with girls would be worthwhile, before you go into the land of attraction. The skills acquired by simply being a friend are critically important to a romantic relationship, so again, perhaps it is wortwhile to go in steps.
i think you will find the world improves as each step is achieved.
Firstly, “employment of any type” is virtually impossible with my worthless resume. You name the crappy job, I have been turned down for it. Continuing to teach at uni might count for your goal-let, but it is an untenable long term position.
Secondly, I don’t have any kind of friendships with anyone at the moment, be they man, woman or inbetween. I also don’t really meet anyone in my current rut.
This is why a “boom or bust” mentality is needed, because without major level direction all that will happen is a slow decay towards total entropy.
Maybe you could be more helpful by suggesting some kind of career you think I’d be suited for, as the only suggestion I’ve gotten over the past 5 years is now null and void.
“You name the crappy job, I have been turned down for it.”
Yes, this is disheartening. However, during the Great Depression, this was the case for over 30% of the workforce, but most of them found a way through. I would suggest persistence, although a resignation to the lack of immediate results is perhaps entirely appropriate.
“Continuing to teach at uni might count for your goal-let, but it is an untenable long term position.”
Why not just set the bar, at this stage, for something that provides a reasonable state of living, equivalent to that of a uni student. Then take it in small steps to improve from there.
“Secondly, I don’t have any kind of friendships with anyone at the moment, be they man, woman or inbetween.”
Why is that?
“I also don’t really meet anyone in my current rut.”
Ok, then changing the circumstances is obvioulsy the next step. This can be very difficult in your emotional state, but I recommend small steps at a time. Here is one idea, but I’m sure you can thinkof others: find a local gaming cafe. They’re relatively inexpensive. Just hang around semi-regularly, and pwn some noobs. The regulars will slowly get to know you, particularly if you make the effort to be friendly.
“without major level direction all that will happen is a slow decay towards total entropy.”
Perhaps. But growth can be gradual as well. I think it is unreasonable to expect it all to be given to you within a relatively short timeframe, especially if you are in a very negative time frame. I recently discussed with a friend of mine got through his major depression. He said he ‘rode it out’. It was a matter of tiem and gradual circumstance change. He is a much happier individual now.
“Maybe you could…suggest some kind of career you think I’d be suited for”
IT is certainly a promising career move, even after the dotcom bubble burst. If you are concerned that your qualifiactions have left you in an inadequate position to begin a career, perhaps it would be worthwhile increasing your qualification. Other universities offer lower entrance requirements than Mac. Iti s a long path, but if you focus now on what will produce the results, then it may indeed be a worthwhile pursuit.
CORRECTION:
you within a relatively short timeframe, especially if you are in a very negative FRAME OF MIND.
“resignation to the lack of immediate results is perhaps entirely appropriate.”
We aren’t talking about immediate results, we are talking a good 2 and a half years worth of nothing.
“something that provides a reasonable state of living”
Actually, the best state of living I could get would be from doing nothing and going on the dole, something that I am sure would have a negative effect.
“find a local gaming cafe.”
Definitely not my thing. I am not much of a gamer, and there is barely one here on the coast (and it is far away).
“got through his major depression”
Who says I want to get through it? Frankly, I have never not been “depressed” and see it as an integral part of who I am (even if a diagnosis like borderline personality disorder is more appropriate). I think a “happy and undepressed me” would not be me, but someone else in my body.
“IT is certainly a promising career move”
Unfortunately it is something I have no real aptitude for, despite any reputation I may have earned. I only graduated thru some “creative accounting”, doing some useless units (like greek and early chrstian lit) and barely scraping through my core units by cramming before exams (and quickly forgetting, having never truly learned). If I had followed the prescribed program I would have been forced to drop out.
“We aren’t talking about immediate results, we are talking a good 2 and a half years worth of nothing.”
You have not been doing nothing for two and a half years.
“Actually, the best state of living I could get would be from doing nothing and going on the dole, something that I am sure would have a negative effect.”
You dont know that. only your resignation puts you in that position.
“find a local gaming cafe.”
Definitely not my thing. I am not much of a gamer, and there is barely one here on the coast (and it is far away).
That’s fine. i’m sure you can think of your own equivalent.
“Who says I want to get through it?”
Your cries for help indicate that you do.
“IT is certainly a promising career move”
Unfortunately it is something I have no real aptitude for, despite any reputation I may have earned. I only graduated thru some “creative accounting”, doing some useless units (like greek and early chrstian lit) and barely scraping through my core units by cramming before exams (and quickly forgetting, having never truly learned). If I had followed the prescribed program I would have been forced to drop out.
But there you have it. Despite considerable difficulties (lack of aptitude, as you say) you managed to bring out a result. You need another one of those. There are plenty of ‘backdoors’ in life.
“You have not been doing nothing for two and a half years.”
No, but I have been looking for other work for the whole time. The job I have had stops on thursday, and doesn’t restart til august….
“That’s fine. i’m sure you can think of your own equivalent.”
No. I can’t.
“But there you have it. Despite considerable difficulties (lack of aptitude, as you say) you managed to bring out a result. You need another one of those. There are plenty of ‘backdoors’ in life.”
So you are saying I should fraudulently gain a job that I am completely unable to actually do, and live in constant fear of being fired for being incompetent?
So you are saying I should fraudulently gain a job that I am completely unable to actually do, and live in constant fear of being fired for being incompetent?
Why not? That’s what most people do.
No, but I have been looking for other work for the whole time. The job I have had stops on thursday, and doesn’t restart til august….”
I trust that you have indeed been looking for work, and are aware from your studentlife phonecalling experience that a knock back rate of 98% is just how life is. I trust you applied for more than twenty jobs a week (in my books, the minimum for someone actually job hunting).
Since I am confident that you did this, I will say this much. Desperate times call for desperate measures. One way to ensure you get a job is to volunteer. The guy who hangs around, is friendly, helps the organisation, gets experience, and becomes known by all the staff, will be the first (usually) to be offered a position when one opens.
“That’s fine. i’m sure you can think of your own equivalent.”
No. I can’t.
Well that creates a difficulty. If you can’t think of your own equivalent, I suggest you use someone elses idea, whether or not they are your ideal (ie. gaming club). You are forced by necessity, and I do not think you have the luxury to be too picky about your methodology.
So you are saying I should fraudulently gain a job that I am completely unable to actually do, and live in constant fear of being fired for being incompetent?
C’mon Dan. That is not what I said. I said there are backdoors. What I mean is not unethical methods, I mean unconventional methods.
“One way to ensure you get a job is to volunteer.”
“What I mean is not unethical methods, I mean unconventional methods.”
Yes, but both of these require a career path goal. There is no point hanging around at a law firm if I have no inclination to be a lawyer for instance, and so not having such a goal at the moment is the core problem.
“I trust you applied for more than twenty jobs a week”
There is barely 20 advertised positions across all fields a week up here on the coast.
There is no point hanging around at a law firm if I have no inclination to be a lawyer for instance, and so not having such a goal at the moment is the core problem.
As I have said, I think it is too much at this stage to go for a ‘career path’. Just aim for a job that provides an income. Doors open the more you apply yourself. One hing could lead to another. It is entirely posisble that you will find something you can tolerate, perhaps even enjoy. But that will never happen as long as you do very little.
There is barely 20 advertised positions across all fields a week up here on the coast.
Then apply for them in Sydney. you seem able to make the journey for your present job. C’mon Dan, all I’m hearing from you is complaints. Of course the situation is bad, otherwise you wouldn’t be feeling down. But even still, you must apply yourself to finding answers in unconvential ways. You need to ‘go the extra mile’ as that is a simple requirement of living.
And I realise this si demanding and difficult, particularly in your present state. So go step by step. Don’t try and get a career yet, just try for a job. Do whatever it takes. Wrestle monkeys. Learn the cello. Stalk employers with your resume, and jam it into their face while they are on their lunch breaks.
It can be fun, make quite a story, and best thing of all, it could indeed yield results.
Hey, let me know if you try anything crazy.
I totally recommend stalking. i wanna hear what happens…
“Then apply for them in Sydney. you seem able to make the journey for your present job”
All the interviews I have had have been “in sydney”, but there is an hour+ a day travel difference between mac uni and the sydney cbd.
“Stalk employers with your resume, and jam it into their face while they are on their lunch breaks.”
My resume is the problem, it only has a useless degree, teaching at uni and SL. None of which is in anyway exciting to a HR person.
“Don’t try and get a career yet, just try for a job”
Like what? Give me a motherfucking specific suggestion for once instead of your vague “get a job” bullshit.
All the interviews I have had have been “in sydney”, but there is an hour+ a day travel difference between mac uni and the sydney cbd.
Fair enough. but then you at least have all the Hornsby and central north area to search, as well as Gosford/Central Coast. That’s a pretty big area.
My resume is the problem, it only has a useless degree, teaching at uni and SL. None of which is in anyway exciting to a HR person.
You seem to have very negative tunnel vision. My suggestion had very little to do with a resume. Stalk them your phone number for all I care. The point is stalking them.
Dan, you must see past all these nitpicking points, and grasp the wider concept of what I am saying.
Like what? Give me a motherfucking specific suggestion for once instead of your vague “get a job” bullshit.
Dan, listen to yourself. You have already resigned yourself to hating any job I could possibly suggest. If I suggest ‘work at Subway’ you’ll complain about how you don’t really like sandwiches. If I suggest ‘deliver papers’ you’ll say it’s not enough money and brings in tuppence money anyway.
Let me help you by stating something clearly: You current position is not good, and the only way it’s going to change is if you take your finger out of your backside and do something, even if you don’t really like it. The point is action of inaction, because you can improve what job you’ve got later on, but it is far more deadly now to do nothing at all. If you get the ball rolling now, even in a crap job with little career prospects etc, you will be much better off than sitting around waiting for someone else to think of a career path for you.
Look at people with careers. Seriously, who is that passionate about picture frame distribution? But that business manager who owns a picture frame wholesaling business is not there because he loved picture frames since he was a boy, he’s there because he saw an opportunity and just went for it.
You need to change your focus from ‘i want a career path’ to ‘I will take whatever I am accepted for…at this stage’
That means applying for things you normally wouldn’t.
Why?
Because you are not emotionally well at the present time.
Your emotional state (and job prospects) will improve when you have demonstrated you can hold down a job, no matter how menial (washing cars, delivery driving, whatever).
AS your condition improves, you will be in a much better position to address things such as a career.
I guess what I’m saying is just pick up the paper and circle anything that is vaguely practical (less than hour and a half journey to), and try it. 20 places a week. So specific suggestion are unnecessary.
Don’t be fussy.
At all.
Because right now, you can’t afford it.
You’ll never be ‘locked in for good’
Just change the job when you’re sick of it. Just get something, do yourself a favour by showing an employer, any, that you are reliable. Your prospects improve over night.
“work at Subway”, “deliver papers”, “washing cars”, “delivery driving”
I have failed to obtain each of these jobs.
“less than hour and a half journey to”
That would rule out uni…. seeing that I use public transport. Hell, unless I’m lucky and get a roster that matches with family the train station alone is a 40minute walk.
“do yourself a favour by showing an employer, any, that you are reliable”
I’ve been working at uni since 2003, and only missed one day because of transportation breakdown. I think that counts as reliable.
“‘I will take whatever I am accepted for…at this stage’
That means applying for things you normally wouldn’t.”
Other than jobs that explicitly exclude me i.e. they see you need this certificate etc. I have applied for all kinds of things. Checking electricity meters, retail (including fashion), all kinds of sales (cars to houses to phones), food stuff (cafes and restaurants), every supermarket, call centers (both IT and other), tech support, teaching at other colleges, courier, web developer, bank teller, office admin, convenience stores, petrol stations, train guard and that is just the ones I remember off the top of my head. Hell, the only job I specifically didn’t apply for was working at the adult store at top ryde (above the indian restaurant) because that wouldn’t be a good place for a Christian to work. So don’t you dare talk to me about not being fussy, I wasn’t “waiting for someone else to think of a career path for (me)” I was looking for off the beaten path suggestions that aren’t advertised on seek.com.au
OK. That’s good to hear. You had previously dismissed my suggestion of voluntering because of the career aspects, so you certainly weren’t making it clear to me that you weren’t being fussy. In which case, apply my volunterring idea to one of these less fussy positions Dan.
Find a small business or a state controlled establishment (Syd Water, OCuncil Workers etc). Probably a small business is best. A local tutoring business, a restuarant etc.These are full of people who have to work hard for their dollar. They aren’t threatened by free labour…whereas in a large firm you will threaten other peoples livelihood and won’t be welcomed.
Anyway, try one of these places, a restaurant, a tutoring company, a hotel etc. Explain to them that you are very much needing a job, and as such, am willing to work for free. They may well explain to you that yoy that they don’t have a position at the moment etc. Say that’s fine, you’ll do odd jobs (get coffee, take out the garbage etc) just on the condition that you are given some training on the side for one of the paid roles.
This means, when it comes to hiring a new person at the desk, or the office, or whatever, you’ll be a familiar face and are already trained. If you have been nice to them, and have kept a good attitude, and not scared them with your dress sense etc, you’ll be a virtual shoo-in for the next position.
(Honestly, this is a good deal for a small business. Not only do they get a bit of free labour, it will save them training and recruitment costs.)
This plan is obviously a desperate measure and would take some work, patience and expenditure. But it has some other benefits:
- No one could question your work ethic.
- You remain active, and this is conducive to a better mood
-It may indeed yield results.
On another note, I realise this is probably not easy either, but what are the prospects of improving your qualifications?
On another note again, what is your relationship with you parents like? I’ve never heard you mention them.
Firstly, I don’t volunteer. For a number of reasons. There are significant issues of safety, legal liability, exploitation and the like. Then there are my personal political views, but I won’t go into them here. Basically, I don’t work for free (I even got paid for my work experience week in high school). I will turn to crime before I volunteer.
“If you have been nice to them, and have kept a good attitude, and not scared them with your dress sense etc,”
Nice…. good attitude…. dress sense…. this is where we might have a problem. I don’t even own a pair of pants, let alone a business suit, and these comments could be introduced as evidence against me having a good attitude or being nice.
“On another note, I realise this is probably not easy either, but what are the prospects of improving your qualifications?”
If I “start over” it is probably easy enough, I still have a bit of room between my current debt and the maximum hecs allowed. But once again, I would need an ultimate goal before commencing such a direction.
“On another note again, what is your relationship with you parents like? I’ve never heard you mention them.”
They don’t bug me, I don’t bug them. It is a mostly superficial relationship, I haven’t told them about my unconversion, or anything to do with my plans or lack thereof, and they haven’t asked and frankly aren’t likely to do so.
Firstly, I don’t volunteer… Then there are my personal political views, but I won’t go into them here. Basically, I don’t work for free
In being agains tit in principle, I think you are affording yourself a luxur you do not have. Your position is not good, I think you should be desperate. You would rather die than do something desperate? That is an unusual position. But certainly, if you are unwilling to bend your own positions here, then I do not think other people are wholly to blame for your present difficulties. Of course there are issues. I’m not offering a silver bullet. I do not think there are any. This is merely an option. I fight for one’s life requires everything we have.
If I “start over” it is probably easy enough, I still have a bit of room between my current debt and the maximum hecs allowed. But once again, I would need an ultimate goal before commencing such a direction.
I can see how this is an issue, particularly as you question your aptitude at the path that you has chosen before.
You are an intelligent guy Dan. I do think it is a problem with our society that this is not…maximised.
On another side note, do you know how to build and maintain websites? I am personally looking at going into business and I need a relatively simple website run. If you are capable at that kind of work, let me know.
They don’t bug me, I don’t bug them. It is a mostly superficial relationship, I haven’t told them about my unconversion, or anything to do with my plans or lack thereof, and they haven’t asked and frankly aren’t likely to do so.
That’s unfortunate. I can see how this would have compounded and indeed may have created many of the problems you are experiencing.
I myself am not rich man. I regularly fall shall weekly on my income, and my parents and family have no wealth to speak of. Financially, I have my work cut out for me too. My older brother has been unemployed for about 5 months now, with no income whatsoever, which gives me some understanding of your position. But, my resource is more people and connections. With this in mind Dan, what can I do to help you?
Apologies for the proliferation of typos in my work. I really should start proof reading my work before I post it, but I think you get the drift.
As amusing as ‘tit in principle’ is.
“On another side note, do you know how to build and maintain websites? I am personally looking at going into business and I need a relatively simple website run. If you are capable at that kind of work, let me know.”
Depends on what you need, if it is just static pages that display info on someone elses managed host, sure I can do that. If you need any kind of interactivity like say an e-commerce online shop then it is above my abilities. My computer skillz are similar to my vehicle skillz – I can change the oil and other maintenance, I can drive well, but you wouldn’t want me to give your car an engine rebuild.
“In being against it in principle, I think you are affording yourself a luxury you do not have”
Actually, all I have to fall back on are my few remaining principles. If the positions were reversed you would object to a job like “male homosexual prostitute” on principle. My principles are bolstered by quotes like “There is no requirement to cover voluntary workers or work experience students for workers compensation insurance as they are not ‘workers’ under the Workers Compensation Act 1987.” Volunteers have very little protection or rights under the law.
Sure. I’ll credit the need to maintain some key principles.
Ok, the next unconventional method of making money will require some creative thinking and examination, so I’d perhaps appreciate it if it was given more than a minutes consideration. To be effective, it might need weeks of good thinking and trial and error.
The idea is an ebay business. One can make significant income buying bargains on ebay and reselling them. You would need to learn an area of expertise, it is usually good to make this an interest area. For me, I could prolly make a penny or two with ancient coins, as I have a pretty good idea of market values and can spot a bargain.
At this stage, I was very much looking at a basic website, just presenting information. But I was interested in the possibility of some extras. I’d want an email account at my chosen domain, and possibly a forum on the site. I’d love to pay someoen to get all the tech concerns off my hands, as I’d be much more interested in building the business. Is this sounding within your abilities?
“The idea is an ebay business. One can make significant income buying bargains on ebay and reselling them.”
Firstly, I consider all options even if I seem to dismiss them out of hand, my use of immediate criticism is as much to help me to think it thru as it is to help you refine your own viewpoint. Secondly, this is the kind of out of the box thinking I was hoping to provoke, so I thank you. Thirdly, an ebay business (of the type you’re advocating) is about as profitable as a flea market business. While not an impossible task, making a living by purely “buy low, sell high” in used goods is a hard task. Most of the successful ebay businesses I have heard of are usually producing goods (like clothing, or knick knacks).
“I’d love to pay someoen to get all the tech concerns off my hands, as I’d be much more interested in building the business.”
While I could possibly do what you are wanting for now, you’d still have to pay someone else to maintain the hardware, and it would be better for you to pay someone to do it all. I’d suggest someone like Real World Technology Solutions they definitely know their stuff.
Ok cool, thanks.
Did you ever play warhammer or games like that? I know a business idea i’d pursue if it was more my thing…
“Did you ever play warhammer or games like that? I know a business idea i’d pursue if it was more my thing… “
Not really, some star wars rpg, and both star wars and trek cards (like magic: the gathering, but even less cool), but no miniatures.
Hey Dan..
just letting you know I’m processing some of the issues here over a bit of time.
No clear answers.
All the best.
Have you ever put your hand to physical stuff like a trade? Carpentry, plumbing, sparky etc?
“Have you ever put your hand to physical stuff like a trade? Carpentry, plumbing, sparky etc?”
Well…. like seemingly everything, I’m a good amateur.
I have nailed things together, but I’m not always even. I have changed tap washers, but have also been sprayed by large amounts of water. I can solder, but have also shorted out expensive ICs.
I’d make an okay tradies assistant, but they usually don’t have such a thing. Plus, if you were choosing an apprentice who would you pick; the 16 year old who is a high school drop out but eager, or the cynical uni grad who is smarter than you?
Ok, I’ve just learnt about some openings for working wiht mentally disabled people. It involves taking them to movies, the beach etc. They always need new people and the hours are quite flexible. If I get the contact details, are you keen? They have locations far and wide, I assume they have a Central Coast location but I can find out if you’re keen.
There is a phrase that immediately comes to mind…. something about the visual impaired leading each other around….
But it isn’t entirely appropriate, as I’m supposedly an intellectual super-genius but am psychologically disabled.
To put it another way, I don’t think I should be trusted to supervise anyone who is not fully capable, whether due to inability (like this case) or immaturity (school kids).