Yeah

The Hair

Was getting long

So along

Came the clipper

To make it hipper

It is now short

I report.

Neil Patrick Harris do?

Ride a fucking unicorn….

That’s what.

it is here, it is good, it has no words…. just pure emotion…. probably the best I’ve released so far. Although I’d personally prefer to play “unicorn” and “happy in the valley” every night….

The emotions involved are similar emotions to those expressed in the last blog post

down there
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V

Go read it if you haven’t.

Possibly. Probably. Maybe.

I don’t really know…. it seems like stuff is in limbo. I don’t mean the thing with the pole, or the pograming language, I just mean that everything is up in the air.

Or at least that one thing is.

At this point I don’t care about how it ends up, as long as it ends up somewhere.

The masochist in me wants the negative outcome, and so does the conservative – the negative outcome is all that has happened in similar situations in the past. This makes it the known, the outcome I know how to deal with (comfort food, booze, curling into the foetal position and crying for days, self-harm – the usual).

This would be the first time when I actually believe the positive outcome is possible. Usually I do something just to get to the inevitable negative outcome so I can get over it and move on. This time, I may get the positive outcome….

….and that is the scariest fucking thing I can imagine. Terror, dread, horror…. these are some of the emotions that I feel about actually achieving the positive outcome. Which of course calls into question my use of “positive”.

But, I use such descriptors because I know the fear is irrational. It is just fear of the unknown and logically the positive outcome should be positive – it is what we all strive for after all.

Yet, I can’t help thinking that maybe there is a good reason for me not achieving the positive outcome in the past…. like maybe it would completely destroy me. That my true nature would be irrecoverably distorted or destroyed.

Which of course it would. That is the point.

Still…. I kinda like being an island. I like having absolutely no one to influence my decisions. I like being able to do what I want, when I want, how I want. I like being alone inside the walls I’ve built up. I like never having to open up and share the real me.

But I can’t do that anymore. I need someone to break thru those walls, and drag the real me kicking and screaming outside. I need someone to help me recharge. Being completely independent is the most emotionally draining state of being.

But being independent is the known.

Being independent is how I have always been.

But….

I need the unknown.

I need someone.

Not anyone though….

I need that certain someone.

Please….

In bullet form…. because a defintion list is too much work.

• Metalocalypse: Metal + cartoon. If you haven’t watched this, then you need to. Sure it gets a little formulaic…. but it was definitely funny. Actually LOL funny, which for me only happens on the odd occasion because I’m a psychopath trying to keep a lid on my unstable emotions or something.
• Rushmore: Watched this fillum today. It had all the elements of what I’d consider a great film – indie-cred, relationshippally challenged loner protagonist, bill murray. In the end though it just seemed to be missing something, I’m not sure what, maybe it needed more surrealism, or less…. It was good. Just not great.
• Heroes: A cool show, but season 2 seems to be almost 2 different shows in the same universe. Most of the characters appear every other week, the only comparision would be if they had combined buffy/angel (or sg-1/atlantis) into 1 series of alternating eps. Then there is the somehow obvious green screen action…. sylar isn’t in the carribean, hrg & the haitian aren’t in whatever city they were supposed to be in, anything with flyguy2 & claire – maybe they used different cameras or something for the backgrounds, but they just seem off…. like the cutscenes in red alert…. just obviously fake. Meh. I’ll keep watching, even if just to see if the new lightning girl will bbq anyone onscreen.

Anyway, that is all for now go get my music or something….

My latest song (God is Grate) just got played on the Green Dragon Bite Size Bonus podcast

Kinda cool….

playin da bass…. seriously though everytime I see something from kittie they seem to have a new bass player for some raisin or other.

Anyway, here is a few videos of those canadian ladies playing songs from their latest album. Enjoy….

Witchhunt

Breathe

That is all I’m going to say, for the full story, check out my latest free song over at chaotimusic.com.

A great story…. that you should read, it isn’t mine, but parts of it resonated with me.

As for me…. lets just say fortis fortuna adiuvat. My story is being written as we speak, and I don’t just mean the semi-auto-biographical concept album I’m working on.